happiness is.

It is nice to stop and enjoy the moment once in awhile.  I think everyone needs it.  We get so busy running from daycare to work to dance class to the dentist office etc etc... rinse, and repeat - that we (or at least I) find it very easy to forget how good life actually is.

I never would (or could) have imagined myself here even ten years ago.  I hadn't met my husband yet, and even if I did ever meet Mr. Right, I thought, I was convinced I must never have children because I was scared to pass on the moderate mental illness that (I feel) runs in a part of my family.  I was basically a college drop-out, clocking in-and-out of a customer service job I didn't hate, but was going nowhere and had horrendous pay.  I was almost eighty pounds heavier than I am now, and was letting my life be determined and ruled by a strong social anxiety disorder that had plagued me my entire life.
I got through my days by absolutely thriving on repetition, and never ventured out of my safe, repetitious little bubble of a world.

Not really unhappy, but sure as hell wasn't happy, either.

I can't detail each step I took, but somehow, wonderfully, gratefully, probably very ungracefully and with a lot of missteps and blunders along the way - I ended up here.

And I really love here.  This is what my happiness is.

A husband I adore.  I'm not quite sure how I won him over, but I'm pretty sure he adores me, too.  A daughter that is my sunshine, and who has taught me more about life in her 3.5 little years than I ever learned in the 30 years before her.  A job that, though I like to complain about, is stable and decent pay and great benefits.  And best of all, something I had to really work towards.  Something I had to work very hard for, break out of my comfort zone for, and one that I can be proud of what I've accomplished to get here. 

Social anxiety - it is still there in some form.  I am sure it will always be there.  But, I've learned to live by the silent mantra 'This isn't going to kill you, beth, you won't die from this' and somehow I get through each situation that arises.  Mostly.  It seems to be less and less as I age.

I own a lot of stuff, too... a house that we really like, in a neighborhood we enjoy, two (older) cars, blah-blah-blah...

But I find when I take that moment to slow down, somewhere in the race between here to there, and really take stock of my life, that's never the stuff that I think about.

It is more about this :

And I want to take a moment to be very, very grateful.

Hoping you are somewhere happy, too.

Peace.