It is nice to stop and enjoy the moment once in awhile. I think everyone needs it. We get so busy running from daycare to work to dance class to the dentist office etc etc... rinse, and repeat - that we (or at least I) find it very easy to forget how
good life actually is.
I never would (or could) have imagined myself here even ten years ago. I hadn't met my husband yet, and even if I did ever meet Mr. Right, I thought, I was convinced I must never have children because I was scared to pass on the moderate mental illness that (I feel) runs in a part of my family. I was basically a college drop-out, clocking in-and-out of a customer service job I didn't hate, but was going nowhere and had horrendous pay. I was almost eighty pounds heavier than I am now, and was letting my life be determined and ruled by a strong social anxiety disorder that had plagued me my entire life.
I got through my days by absolutely thriving on repetition, and never ventured out of my safe, repetitious little bubble of a world.
Not really unhappy, but sure as hell wasn't
happy, either.
I can't detail each step I took, but somehow, wonderfully, gratefully, probably very ungracefully and with a lot of missteps and blunders along the way - I ended up here.
And I really love here.
This is what my happiness is.
A husband I adore. I'm not quite sure how I won him over, but I'm pretty sure he adores me, too. A daughter that is my sunshine, and who has taught me more about life in her 3.5 little years than I ever learned in the 30 years before her. A job that, though I like to complain about, is stable and decent pay and great benefits. And best of all, something I had to really work towards. Something I had to work very hard for, break out of my comfort zone for, and one that I can be proud of what I've accomplished to get here.
Social anxiety - it is still there in some form. I am sure it will always be there. But, I've learned to live by the silent mantra 'This isn't going to kill you, beth, you won't die from this' and somehow I get through each situation that arises. Mostly. It seems to be less and less as I age.
I own a lot of stuff, too... a house that we really like, in a neighborhood we enjoy, two (older) cars, blah-blah-blah...
But I find when I take that moment to slow down, somewhere in the race between here to there, and really take stock of my life, that's never the stuff that I think about.
It is more about this :
And I want to take a moment to be very, very grateful.
Hoping you are somewhere happy, too.
Peace.
