The Makings of a Mom

It was two years ago today we 'met' our Tesfanesh, through paperwork and two photos.  Oh dear... the photos.  I tear up every single time I see them.

The bald head, the toothy smile.

The short pants, the tiny hands on the little extended belly.

They get me every time.

We thought we loved you then, looking at these pictures, that it was love at first sight.  Which it was, to some degree - but we just didn't know the half of it.  I could never had comprehended on just how much I could really love another human being until I met you.

Until I became a mother.

And it all started out today, two years ago.

Peace.

Post Holiday Bloat

Due to some vacation time that had to be either used or lost, neither Brad nor I have been among the working class since last Friday.  As in, the 18th.  No work.  For a week.

I don't know how I am going to cope once Monday comes around.

A small breakdown may be a'brewing.

Or possibly a temper tantrum.  Can 31 year olds have temper tantrums?

Let's not dwell.  Instead, let's focus on how fantastic the past week off has been.  In the past 7 days, we have (in no particular order) :

- Been sledding three times
- Out to eat with family and new friends
- Started a new fashion trend of tutus and swim goggles

- Consumed more cookies than one family of three safely should (Thank goodness no pictures of that, but if you would like to to post a picture of how large my rump has become over the last week, I'll consider.  I bow easily to peer pressure.)
- Survived 12 inches of what Brad has sacastically dubbed "Snowmagedon '09" (as a true Minnesotan, he scoffs at any weathercaster that he believes 'overreacts' to coming snow.  I, on the otherhand, hide in the corner and cry because the weatherman just told me to.)

- Taken our princess to see the new Disney princess movie.  I must admit, I let out a huge sigh when I saw Tiana's family was poor, worked for the rich white man, and lived in a shack, but you know what?  It was cute.  It was a cute movie, and Tes says she is the most beautiful princess there is.  Thats all a mom can ask for.  (Oh, and the music was great!)

- Went swimming

- Three holiday parties, consisting of lots of catching up, lots of laughing, and of course, lots of present opening.

I am sure there is more, but my brain is fried, and my husband just walked through the door with some mint ice cream in hand.  To not go dish a bowl would just be rude!

Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday!  Here is to the new year - and our many hopes and plans.


Peace.

Thanksgiving

24 hours, two get-togethers, one hosted by us.  Lots of laughing, a whole lot of eating, and probably not enough giving thanks.

It is a hectic holiday, but this was probably the best Thanksgiving I've experienced in a long time.  I really worked on not worring about the how, but tried to focus on the why.

And I have much to be thankful for.

Hoping everyone had a wonderful holiday.

Peace.

Why people need to filter their thoughts before spewing their crap at me...

... because I'll just blog about you after your done.

I will fully admit I'm not good at small talk.  It is not a talent of mine.  Or even a usable skill.  But when I am forced into a situation where silence can even be more awkward than my lack of conversation skills, I soldier on.

This was the situation today, with a lady I will call 'Small-talk Stranger'.  The topic somehow turned to children, which turned to my child, and I thought - oh yeah!  This just happens to be my very favorite subject!  I can do this!  So yada-yada-yada... Tes is really looking forward to attending school... blah-blah-blah... my daughter is a picky eater, too!...  on and on, until a picture was produced from my purse and shown to her.

Small-talk Stranger : Oh!  She is adopted?
Me : Yes, she is Ethiopian - 
Small-talk Stranger : - wow... I just can't imagine loving a stranger like they are family!

Oh dear. 
Number one - Keep your damn ignorance to yourself.  Number two - Apparently this must mean she is a kin to her husband, because how could you possibly love a stranger.
It goes on.

Me : *stunned silence, and probably a very angered and bewildered look on my face*
Small-talk Stranger : I mean, I just can't believe you've never gotten to experience the miracle of childbirth... I feel so bad for women like you.

No, I didn't punch her.  But it was only my deep-down staunch belief that violence doesn't solve anything that kept me from it.  And believe me, I momentarily wavered.

So let me clear the air a bit, in case there is anyone out there, like Small-talk Stranger, who feels sorry for 'women like me'.
Don't.
I assure you, yes, I love my daughter.  Being adopted does not make her a second class child.  It makes her - my daughter.  S-t Stranger is lucky I never caught her real name, because I would totally be tempted to search out her phone number and post it so all you 'stranger lovers' such as I, an adoptive parent, or you loving step-parents, or you dedicated foster parents - all you out there who apparently have the unbelievable skill to love strangers, could give her a call and let her know what love really is.  And it ain't just genetics, baby.

Secondly, you are correct, I didn't get to experience the miracle of childbirth.  And I do actually agree, it is a miracle.  (After all, I was born, wasn't I?)  However, even though I didn't experience it, my child is still a miracle, a miracle her Mother got to experience.  I don't regret that for one moment, nor the two years they were able to spend together - because it would be dismissive to her experience, and to my daughter.  There are, of course, things I wonder about.  Did she have a lot of hair when she was born?  Was she a happy baby?  When was her first smile?  First steps?  Which tooth came in first?

Things I wonder?  Yes.  Things I regret?  Not for a moment.
I would never selfishly wish away those two years my daughter and her Mother were able to spend together, not for a moment.  Yes, she got to experience the miracle of birth.  Saw the first step, smile, and heard the first word.
But I got to experience the miracle of adoption.  Saw her first smile at me.  Got to hear the first time she told me "I love you".   I get to wake up each morning to her sleepy, smiley face, and end each evening with her 'big hugs!' and lots of kisses.

Don't feel sorry for me.  I am a blessed woman, indeed. 
I'm sorry you can't see that, S-t Stranger. 
It must be a very small world you live in.


Peace.

happiness is.

It is nice to stop and enjoy the moment once in awhile.  I think everyone needs it.  We get so busy running from daycare to work to dance class to the dentist office etc etc... rinse, and repeat - that we (or at least I) find it very easy to forget how good life actually is.

I never would (or could) have imagined myself here even ten years ago.  I hadn't met my husband yet, and even if I did ever meet Mr. Right, I thought, I was convinced I must never have children because I was scared to pass on the moderate mental illness that (I feel) runs in a part of my family.  I was basically a college drop-out, clocking in-and-out of a customer service job I didn't hate, but was going nowhere and had horrendous pay.  I was almost eighty pounds heavier than I am now, and was letting my life be determined and ruled by a strong social anxiety disorder that had plagued me my entire life.
I got through my days by absolutely thriving on repetition, and never ventured out of my safe, repetitious little bubble of a world.

Not really unhappy, but sure as hell wasn't happy, either.

I can't detail each step I took, but somehow, wonderfully, gratefully, probably very ungracefully and with a lot of missteps and blunders along the way - I ended up here.

And I really love here.  This is what my happiness is.

A husband I adore.  I'm not quite sure how I won him over, but I'm pretty sure he adores me, too.  A daughter that is my sunshine, and who has taught me more about life in her 3.5 little years than I ever learned in the 30 years before her.  A job that, though I like to complain about, is stable and decent pay and great benefits.  And best of all, something I had to really work towards.  Something I had to work very hard for, break out of my comfort zone for, and one that I can be proud of what I've accomplished to get here. 

Social anxiety - it is still there in some form.  I am sure it will always be there.  But, I've learned to live by the silent mantra 'This isn't going to kill you, beth, you won't die from this' and somehow I get through each situation that arises.  Mostly.  It seems to be less and less as I age.

I own a lot of stuff, too... a house that we really like, in a neighborhood we enjoy, two (older) cars, blah-blah-blah...

But I find when I take that moment to slow down, somewhere in the race between here to there, and really take stock of my life, that's never the stuff that I think about.

It is more about this :

And I want to take a moment to be very, very grateful.

Hoping you are somewhere happy, too.

Peace.

Vacation Day at MOA

Doing things with an (almost) four year old is a lot of fun.  Honestly, everyone should go out and borrow one for the day.  As long as they are well fed, well rested, and properly prepped on the rules (there will be no running away from mom and dad) - and you will have an absolute blast.

It helps that is was at opening time on a Monday morning, too, so there was not a single line in sight.

Here she is yelling "This ride makes me so brave!"

Swiper the Sneaky Fox and Tes sharing a moment.

We really love carousels.  Especially ones with more out of the ordinary animals, instead

of just the normal horses.

And finally, no trip to the mall would be complete without a warm pretzel.

At leat according to Tes, that is.

We rounded out the afternoon with a well deserved two-hour nap (mom, too - oh so nice!).

All in all, I'd say the best way to spend some time off of work that I can imagine.

Tomorrow - looking for a matinee to take the little movie nut to!

Hope everyone had a lovely Monday.

Peace.

Tes vs Tomato Soup

Today I cleaned tomato soup off of the kitchen table, chair, and floor.
Today I cleaned tomato soup off my daughter's face, and out of her hair.
Today I cleaned tomato soup off my daughter's eyelashes, and out of her right ear.

Don't even ask how this transpired... it's been a long day.

Tomorrow I'm hoping for better.  The husband and I have some vacation time to burn before the end of the year, so we've taken a few days off to hang out and do fun family stuff.  I believe tomorrow may entail taking Tes to the Mall Of America to use some free ride passes she received from a friendly neighbor as Halloween trick-or-treats.  Or possibly the zoo?  Or a daytime matinee could be nice...

Whatever we end up doing, I can assure you - it will not involve tomato soup.


Peace.

Making the Most of Your Saturday

Yesterday involved :

* Waking up at the butt-crickity-crack of dawn, because Tes would have it no other way.

* Ethiopian dance class for Tes (be still my heart, nothing in this universe could be as cute as these little-uns' dancing...).

* Raking, bagging, more raking, more bagging, interrupted only to occasionally bury Tes in the leaves.  We strategically wait until every last leaf falls, so we only have to rake once.  The problem with that is, you have a every last leaf to rake, all at once.

* Power nap for Tes.  Believe me, she needed it.

* First birthday party for this little guy, cousin Gannon.

Oh my...

Those cheeks!

Happy birthday, cutie-patootie.

Hmmm... It felt a lot busier than it sounds.  Perhaps I should add a little embellishment?

* Saved the world while promoting world peace.

There.  That sounds more like it.

Saturdays rock.

Peace.

Current Reads & Sickness

My lastest library pick-up :

We are pondering it.  Perhaps late next year.  Trying to see if we could work it into the budget.  Perhaps not.

But honestly, I'm okay with that.

Really, if that is a money consideration I have to worry about - if we are able to afford to take Tes to DisneyWorld or not - than I'd say we can count ourselves pretty damn lucky.

In other news, my what I thought was flu-shot sickness?  It is still lingering.  After both my kiddo and I being sick for a few days now, I finally decide to google the dreaded H1N1 symptoms tonight.  Hmmm... interesting.  I won't tell you what my symptoms are, in case I've seen you in the last two days and you now try to run me over with your car in a drastic fit of revenge or something like that.

Anyway, the CDC webpage states you only have to avoid the public like you are carrying the plague of the century for 24 hours after a fever - and we are both past that.  So please put down your pitch-forks and quit blaming your sore throat on me, you could have picked that up anywhere.

Especially with that nasty habit of licking door handles you have.

Yeah, I know all about it.

Its okay, I still love you.

Peace.

Pumpkin Carving

Pumpkin carving, 2009 edition :

The Before, pre-pumpkin slaughter :

(The picture does no justice on just how large these pumpkins really are...)

The During :

"Who are you telling to be careful with this knife?!"

"Why don't you come say that to my face, old woman!"

Okay, she didn't actually say that.  But those pictures were just begging for captions.

Awww... two of my favorite people...

And OH-MY-GOD, will you look at that double chin?  Ewww... 

The After :

Pretty cute!

Spooky!

And one of the many reasons why I never ever use my flash :

"Seriously, Mom!  You've blinded me!"

Happy Halloween, everyone!

Saturday

Candyland : A very exciting way to end your day.

Coming attractions : Some absolutely hilarious pumpkin carving pictures.  Imagine the expressions above, but this time we let her wield a knife.

Don't worry, we've all made it out alive.  And have two cute jack-o-lanterns to show for our efforts, too.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend.

Peace.

Fall

Thank you to Grandpa & Grandma R. for taking us to the orchard this weekend.

The corn maze wasn't nearly as bad as that whiney group that followed us thought it was.
Cheaters!

In other news, the aroma of apple crisp will soon be filling our home, due to the 10 pounds of apples we now need to creatively use.  Any other ideas, anybody?
They are some really yummy Cortlands.  Not sure if those are good baking apples or not.
But they tasted good.
And we aren't picky.

Hope everyone had a great weekend.


Peace.

Last Camping Trip of the Summer

After a weekend spent in the great outdoors, my allergies are at full steam ahead. I'm exhausted and itchy, inside and out. So a post in pictures will have to do, because that is way easier than coming up with lots o' words.

It started with a map, and a mission.

A weekend of camping with good friends.

It is hard for the Little One to muster up the will to sit in the car for an hour after a full day of daycare. But she did wonderfully.

By the way, no person alive complains about traffic more than Tesfu. She will be a wonderful driver someday...

Tes and Kefelen sharing their love of cheetahs, lions, and looking at them though a magnifying glass.

They shared very well...

... except when they didn't. I do believe they might have been having a competition to see who could throw the best pout.

All in all, the kids really did great. (The adults behaved, too.)
Kefelen really wanted to give Tes one of his earthworms to take home.
I politely declined for her.

It was an all around relaxing, chip-munching, dirt-filled,

wonderful weekend.

Thank you Jennifer, Mitch, and Kefelen for letting us be a part of what will probably be the last camping trip of the season. *sigh*

It goes too fast, doesn't it?

Peace.

Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability. ~ Sam Keen

Back. Back Again.

Back from our mini-camping trip.

If the amount of dirt caked onto the child is somehow equivalent to how much fun she had, then she must have reached Nirvana.

Once we are sufficiently cleaned, unpacked, and de-camped, I will provide a decent post because Tes and her friend Kefelen camping - very picture worthy. They are a cute bunch indeed.

Peace.

365 days until the next fair...

Have I ever told you how much I love the MN State Fair? Because I do. I really really do.

So does Auntie.
Maybe it is the siren song of the cheese on a stick.

Fried cheese - it can not be resisted. Don't even try.

Maybe it is the tradition - the number of years I have missed this fair during the *cough* thirty-one years of my life can be counted on one hand.

Or maybe it is because I love that we have started the tradition with my daughter. I hope she looks forward to this family day each year to come as much as I do.

Mmmmm... milkshakes. Right outside the cow barns - that is where the best ones are found.

Funny hats.

A close-up look at some four-legged farm friends, rarely seen by us city-peeps.


But best of all, lots and lots of happy faces.

It was a wonderful trip, wonderful day, with my wonderful family! 365 days until the next one.

As a bonus for my bloggie friends, as promised here is photo-evidence of yesterday's steam cleaning experience. For those of you who thought 'clean the carpets' was a metaphor.

Sorry to say, it was not.

We really rented a rug-doctor and cleaned our carpets and upholstery.

Still, there is something wonderful about seeing your man clean, isn't there?

And this one is just for Auntie. Because I know you really loved it.

Feel free to use it as your new wallpaper.
I'm a giver like that.

Peace.